J.S. AREMU COLE Ph.D
Arguments don’t win friends. They are mostly useless, provocative, and divisive. Arguments are more a matter of temper than temperate conversations and discussions. People who like to argue and who will do so at the drop of a hat are usually people who enjoy ruffling the feelings of others deliberately. Some others may deliberately post false and controversial stuff on social media as ‘click-baits’ for revenue; but you don’t have to fall for such.
Subjects such as politics and religion almost always provoke arguments because of the passion associated with them, and families are known to have broken up because of such arguments. But there’s a way out.
For example, if someone makes a statement that you feel is wrong or ridiculous, you should not remain silent. Simply ask questions. Instead of immediately jumping in and disagreeing, ask the other person to state his case specifically and to define his terms. Make your opponent be specific.
You can say something like: “Why do you say that?” and if you get some absurd generalization, ask, “Would you mind being specific about that?” Ask questions such as “Why? How do you know?”, and you may avoid a foolish and endless nobody-wins kind of argument.
Put the burden of proof squarely where it belongs—on the shoulders of the person who started the argument. Then you can sit back calmly and enjoy yourself while he ties himself in a knot of illogicalities, and finally tries to change the subject. He won’t be so quick to start another argument with you the next time.
Instead of trying to prove your opponent wrong, make him prove himself right or discredit himself, which he will promptly do if he is not sure of his point but only wants to provoke an argument.
Since it takes two to argue, make sure you’re not one of them. All you need to say is, “Why do you say that?” or “Exactly what do you mean by what you just said? Where is your proof?” Keep the ball and the pressure on the person who is driving recklessly. It works like a charm, and you can come out of the situation looking professional, wise, and level-headed.”
Action Point: The next time you are confronted by someone out to argue, try this method, and share with us on this platform how it works for you.